It's been far too long since I posted on this blog. So much has happened with the ministry, but I think the biggest change has been in me.
I remember we had a visit by an older mother who has been a spiritual mentor to me for years. After service, she gave me that special look of hrs and I knew that God was going to speak to me through her. The message wasn't what I expected, though. She said "God wants you to come all the way in. Your body is here, but your mind and heart are not. He needs you to serve with your whole heart." Wow! All I could do was cry. God had read my mail yet again! I was going through the motions. I was showing up. I was serving in multiple capacities. Wasn't that enough?
But God wanted more. So I have spent these past few years fasting, praying, and healing. I feel stronger and ready to wear the mantel He has placed on me as First Lady. And I am daily working to be all in - fully committed to the call and the work.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Out of the Mouths of Babes
Last night was bible study night. Every Wednesday, like clockwork, we drive the 20 or so miles to our church and open the doors, turn on the heat (or air) and lights, and prepare to welcome our members and visitors. We've done this faithfully for the past 4 years, so it shouldn't really be a big deal. Right?
Except last night, our faithful attendees weren't able to make it due to work obligations that, as it turns out, are going to prevent them from coming indefinitely. And our prodigal daughter, who recently returned with her two children after a year-long absence didn't show up either. Which left my husband, small children, and me there all alone. So, after a brief prayer to thank God for His goodness, we shut everything off, bundled up our crew, and loaded back into the car for the ride home.
Now, since this isn't the first time this has happened, I'll admit I should have been better able to handle the situation. I'm seasoned, a prayer warrior (or so I've been told), a veteran saint who has suffered disappointments and has come through worse than this. So, why do I feel so - angry? I could literally feel my heart breaking inside of me - like something in me died a little bit.
It's funny. My husband spent the entire ride home quoting scriptures, sharing testimonies of everyone from Moses to Paul about overcoming obstacles, bearing burdens, girding up and fortifying our prayer lives, and carrying the proverbial cross. And I know all of that. But I felt strangely numb - and just a little bit guilty. Aside from reiterating what I'd been saying all along - that the gospel goes where we go; that he's still a preacher, whether we're in the desert place we're in now or closer to our friends and family elsewhere; that maybe the fact that the other businesses in the strip mall where our church resides are closing and relocating is a sign from God that it's time for us to move on - aside from those things, I had absolutely nothing to say.
So we're driving along, him teaching the lesson to me in the car that he didn't get to teach that night, me silently sulking, when I hear it - a soft, sobbing noise from the back of the car. We stop to listen, then I call out my oldest daughter's name - Are you ok? we ask.
She's silent for a moment, then, through muffled sobbing, she says, "Yes, Mommy. I was just saying my prayers because I didn't get a chance to say them today. I wanted to talk to God." Talk about a slap in the face!
Here I was, fuming because the service didn't go the way I'd wanted it to go AGAIN and my 7 year old's only concern was getting into the presence of God. I had half prayed at church, seething in frustration and disappointement, and my little angel was in the back seat touching heaven with her beautiful tears and sincere heart. Kind of makes me wonder who's the real prayer warrior.
Needless to say, I checked my attitude and repented for the crazy thoughts going through my mind. This time, my way of escape came through my precious baby girl, who reminded me that at the end of the day, the only thing that really matters is getting in the presence of God.
Except last night, our faithful attendees weren't able to make it due to work obligations that, as it turns out, are going to prevent them from coming indefinitely. And our prodigal daughter, who recently returned with her two children after a year-long absence didn't show up either. Which left my husband, small children, and me there all alone. So, after a brief prayer to thank God for His goodness, we shut everything off, bundled up our crew, and loaded back into the car for the ride home.
Now, since this isn't the first time this has happened, I'll admit I should have been better able to handle the situation. I'm seasoned, a prayer warrior (or so I've been told), a veteran saint who has suffered disappointments and has come through worse than this. So, why do I feel so - angry? I could literally feel my heart breaking inside of me - like something in me died a little bit.
It's funny. My husband spent the entire ride home quoting scriptures, sharing testimonies of everyone from Moses to Paul about overcoming obstacles, bearing burdens, girding up and fortifying our prayer lives, and carrying the proverbial cross. And I know all of that. But I felt strangely numb - and just a little bit guilty. Aside from reiterating what I'd been saying all along - that the gospel goes where we go; that he's still a preacher, whether we're in the desert place we're in now or closer to our friends and family elsewhere; that maybe the fact that the other businesses in the strip mall where our church resides are closing and relocating is a sign from God that it's time for us to move on - aside from those things, I had absolutely nothing to say.
So we're driving along, him teaching the lesson to me in the car that he didn't get to teach that night, me silently sulking, when I hear it - a soft, sobbing noise from the back of the car. We stop to listen, then I call out my oldest daughter's name - Are you ok? we ask.
She's silent for a moment, then, through muffled sobbing, she says, "Yes, Mommy. I was just saying my prayers because I didn't get a chance to say them today. I wanted to talk to God." Talk about a slap in the face!
Here I was, fuming because the service didn't go the way I'd wanted it to go AGAIN and my 7 year old's only concern was getting into the presence of God. I had half prayed at church, seething in frustration and disappointement, and my little angel was in the back seat touching heaven with her beautiful tears and sincere heart. Kind of makes me wonder who's the real prayer warrior.
Needless to say, I checked my attitude and repented for the crazy thoughts going through my mind. This time, my way of escape came through my precious baby girl, who reminded me that at the end of the day, the only thing that really matters is getting in the presence of God.
Monday, November 14, 2011
When Zion Travails
Becoming a mother was not easy for me. After a medical condition nearly ended my life and left me infertile, my husband and I relied on our faith and the prayers of our family and friends to receive a miracle from God. I spend many early mornings prostrate before the Lord, physically exhausted from the gut-wrenching, intense wailing and travailing born of my deep longing for that baby. Six years after our marriage, we were finally blessed with our first child. So I am familiar with the longing, pain, and shame that comes with being a barren woman.
Before I had my first child, I used to devour every scripture that promised children. My favorite was Isaiah 54, where the Lord speaks specifically to the barren woman. It was my personal promise from Him that children would come forth.
Fast forward 8 years.
Our small, fledgling church has endured many hardships over the past 6 years. We began having services in our basement with our family like so many other young ministry couples, eager and excited about the call that God had on our lives. Then the weeks, months, years passed and there were countless Sundays when it was still just our family. I began to feel those same pangs I felt when I was longing for my first child - feelings of despair, shame, frustration, sometimes anger, sometimes defeat.
But then the Lord began to share an insight with me. It wasn't by chance that I had experienced barrenness in the natural sense. That experience, though probably one of the most painful of my life, was intentional. It was meant for a greater purpose. A woman who has experienced that depth of despair can understand the concept of Isaiah 66:8b-9 - "....For as soon as Zion travailed, she brought forth her children. Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the Lord: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God." And so, the Lord revealed to me, the answer to our dilemma in this season of barrenness for our church is travail. The fruitfulness of our church, the fertility of the ground rests in our ability to travail before the Lord in fervent prayer.
Today, the promise of Isaiah 54:1 now holds a promise that is different but just as precious for me. During this season, however long or short it may be, the mission is clear - travailing before the Lord for the spiritual babies that He has predestined to be a part of our ministry. Instead of longing for natural children, now we long for souls - beautiful, healthy, well-adjusted souls that have a hunger and thirst for righteousness and a love for the God they serve. So we keep travailing, keep engaging in fervent prayer because God's words cannot fall to the ground. If He brings it to birth, it has to come forth. Thank God for blessing and opening our spiritual womb.
Happy Growing!
Before I had my first child, I used to devour every scripture that promised children. My favorite was Isaiah 54, where the Lord speaks specifically to the barren woman. It was my personal promise from Him that children would come forth.
Fast forward 8 years.
Our small, fledgling church has endured many hardships over the past 6 years. We began having services in our basement with our family like so many other young ministry couples, eager and excited about the call that God had on our lives. Then the weeks, months, years passed and there were countless Sundays when it was still just our family. I began to feel those same pangs I felt when I was longing for my first child - feelings of despair, shame, frustration, sometimes anger, sometimes defeat.
But then the Lord began to share an insight with me. It wasn't by chance that I had experienced barrenness in the natural sense. That experience, though probably one of the most painful of my life, was intentional. It was meant for a greater purpose. A woman who has experienced that depth of despair can understand the concept of Isaiah 66:8b-9 - "....For as soon as Zion travailed, she brought forth her children. Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the Lord: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God." And so, the Lord revealed to me, the answer to our dilemma in this season of barrenness for our church is travail. The fruitfulness of our church, the fertility of the ground rests in our ability to travail before the Lord in fervent prayer.
Today, the promise of Isaiah 54:1 now holds a promise that is different but just as precious for me. During this season, however long or short it may be, the mission is clear - travailing before the Lord for the spiritual babies that He has predestined to be a part of our ministry. Instead of longing for natural children, now we long for souls - beautiful, healthy, well-adjusted souls that have a hunger and thirst for righteousness and a love for the God they serve. So we keep travailing, keep engaging in fervent prayer because God's words cannot fall to the ground. If He brings it to birth, it has to come forth. Thank God for blessing and opening our spiritual womb.
Happy Growing!
Friday, November 11, 2011
Abundance We Can't See?
I'm reading Secrets of the Vine by Bruce Wilkerson and have had to re-evaluate my definition of abundance. John 15:2 shows Jesus teaching this principle to His disciples. I feel like I have viewed this from the wrong perspective for a long time. I also think it has served to cripple me in some areas of my spiritual life.
As a new ( again) mom, I sometimes feel constrained and unable to be fruitful in some areas, mostly in terms of doing things that produce outward results. Bit o live the author's revelation about good works. The author's wife, in her version of Secrets...For Women, takes this concept a step further in her illustration of ministering to a new mother in her neighborhood. In my former definition of abundance and fruitfulness, this wouldn't have counted. One person? A conversation? Really? Did she come to church? Did she accept Christ as a result of the conversation? But that's where I'm wrong. Jesus says in Matthew 25:4 that when we do good things to the "least of these", we do it unto Him. I would imagine that He received just as much glory in that simple act of service than He does when 100 souls are baptized at a meeting.
It's funny how we try to figure God put, to pigeon-hole Him into doing it our way instead of just following His lead. Life would be so much easier if we just followed, wouldn't it?
As a new ( again) mom, I sometimes feel constrained and unable to be fruitful in some areas, mostly in terms of doing things that produce outward results. Bit o live the author's revelation about good works. The author's wife, in her version of Secrets...For Women, takes this concept a step further in her illustration of ministering to a new mother in her neighborhood. In my former definition of abundance and fruitfulness, this wouldn't have counted. One person? A conversation? Really? Did she come to church? Did she accept Christ as a result of the conversation? But that's where I'm wrong. Jesus says in Matthew 25:4 that when we do good things to the "least of these", we do it unto Him. I would imagine that He received just as much glory in that simple act of service than He does when 100 souls are baptized at a meeting.
It's funny how we try to figure God put, to pigeon-hole Him into doing it our way instead of just following His lead. Life would be so much easier if we just followed, wouldn't it?
Monday, November 7, 2011
Be Encouraged
I volunteered recently to help provide dinner at a nearby community center. After weeks of advertising, door to door visits, and flyers in the community served by the center, we donated and prepared food for a specific number of people. Less than half of the people we anticipated actually showed up.
We've also been interceding on behalf of others in our weekly prayer services and it seems that the more we pray, the worse their situations get. Needless to say, I've gotten a little discouraged.
BUT, God is still wonderful!
I'm reading the book Prayer by Verbal Bean, and it is reminding me of the power of a personal relationship with God - the ability to get and hold His attenditon, when we come boldly befoer the throne and compel Him to move on our behalf through prayer. To know that we have that kind of influence with God - wow! How can you not be encouraged?
I started talking to God about His call on our lives to the ministry. He called us to start a work for His name's sake, so the work has to be blessed! I was reminded that the people aren't coming for us - they're coming for His glory! And just like He had Moses tell pharoah to let His people go, He will command that the holds and yokes on these people be loosed - that they be se free from strongholds, bondages, whatever has them bound. It will happen!
Zechariah 10:1 talks about digging ditches in dry places. I am personally experiencing a dry season in an area of my life. But I believe a ditch is being dug through my prayers. And I'm believing that God will eventually send the rain to fill it.
Happy Growing!
We've also been interceding on behalf of others in our weekly prayer services and it seems that the more we pray, the worse their situations get. Needless to say, I've gotten a little discouraged.
BUT, God is still wonderful!
I'm reading the book Prayer by Verbal Bean, and it is reminding me of the power of a personal relationship with God - the ability to get and hold His attenditon, when we come boldly befoer the throne and compel Him to move on our behalf through prayer. To know that we have that kind of influence with God - wow! How can you not be encouraged?
I started talking to God about His call on our lives to the ministry. He called us to start a work for His name's sake, so the work has to be blessed! I was reminded that the people aren't coming for us - they're coming for His glory! And just like He had Moses tell pharoah to let His people go, He will command that the holds and yokes on these people be loosed - that they be se free from strongholds, bondages, whatever has them bound. It will happen!
Zechariah 10:1 talks about digging ditches in dry places. I am personally experiencing a dry season in an area of my life. But I believe a ditch is being dug through my prayers. And I'm believing that God will eventually send the rain to fill it.
Happy Growing!
Welcome to Ears to Hear Him!
This blog is dedicated to every pastor's wife with a heart and desire to hear from God in a real and personal way. When my husband became a pastor, I felt overwhelmed. I looked for every book, website, blog, anything I could find that would help me define my role in the church we were starting - a manual that showed me just how I fit in. I've since come to realize that the Bible was my best source of my job description as a pastor's wife. But I have been and continue to be blessed by the words hundreds of ministry wives that have had the courage and heart to share their experiences.
In today's world, there are so many things that demand our attention - family, careers, friends, finances - the list goes on and on. But if we take heed to the advice of Proverbs 20:12 and ask God for "the hearing ear and the seeing eye", we can make our lives much more manageable and fulfilling.
As a child, my mother used to pray that the people would have "eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts to receive" the Word of God as it came forth in any format. I have learned the value of praying this same prayer over each lesson that I teach, over every sermon that I hear. So it is my prayer for this blog that God would open the eyes and ears of each dear reader and allow the truths that He reveals through revelation knowledge of His Word to take root and bring forth life into the hearts, minds, and spirits of each and every one of you.
Check back often as I share insights, revelations, and bible study notes that I feel will be a blessing to you. Look for the upcoming posts on the Secrets of the Vine for Women by Darlene Marie Wilkinson bible study that our Women's Department will be hosting in January 2012, where we will explore one chapter each month. Also, please feel free to leave comments on anything you read. My desire is to make this a place where we can share and grow in Christ together.
Happy Growing!
In today's world, there are so many things that demand our attention - family, careers, friends, finances - the list goes on and on. But if we take heed to the advice of Proverbs 20:12 and ask God for "the hearing ear and the seeing eye", we can make our lives much more manageable and fulfilling.
As a child, my mother used to pray that the people would have "eyes to see, ears to hear, and hearts to receive" the Word of God as it came forth in any format. I have learned the value of praying this same prayer over each lesson that I teach, over every sermon that I hear. So it is my prayer for this blog that God would open the eyes and ears of each dear reader and allow the truths that He reveals through revelation knowledge of His Word to take root and bring forth life into the hearts, minds, and spirits of each and every one of you.
Check back often as I share insights, revelations, and bible study notes that I feel will be a blessing to you. Look for the upcoming posts on the Secrets of the Vine for Women by Darlene Marie Wilkinson bible study that our Women's Department will be hosting in January 2012, where we will explore one chapter each month. Also, please feel free to leave comments on anything you read. My desire is to make this a place where we can share and grow in Christ together.
Happy Growing!
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