Becoming a mother was not easy for me. After a medical condition nearly ended my life and left me infertile, my husband and I relied on our faith and the prayers of our family and friends to receive a miracle from God. I spend many early mornings prostrate before the Lord, physically exhausted from the gut-wrenching, intense wailing and travailing born of my deep longing for that baby. Six years after our marriage, we were finally blessed with our first child. So I am familiar with the longing, pain, and shame that comes with being a barren woman.
Before I had my first child, I used to devour every scripture that promised children. My favorite was Isaiah 54, where the Lord speaks specifically to the barren woman. It was my personal promise from Him that children would come forth.
Fast forward 8 years.
Our small, fledgling church has endured many hardships over the past 6 years. We began having services in our basement with our family like so many other young ministry couples, eager and excited about the call that God had on our lives. Then the weeks, months, years passed and there were countless Sundays when it was still just our family. I began to feel those same pangs I felt when I was longing for my first child - feelings of despair, shame, frustration, sometimes anger, sometimes defeat.
But then the Lord began to share an insight with me. It wasn't by chance that I had experienced barrenness in the natural sense. That experience, though probably one of the most painful of my life, was intentional. It was meant for a greater purpose. A woman who has experienced that depth of despair can understand the concept of Isaiah 66:8b-9 - "....For as soon as Zion travailed, she brought forth her children. Shall I bring to the birth, and not cause to bring forth? saith the Lord: shall I cause to bring forth, and shut the womb? saith thy God." And so, the Lord revealed to me, the answer to our dilemma in this season of barrenness for our church is travail. The fruitfulness of our church, the fertility of the ground rests in our ability to travail before the Lord in fervent prayer.
Today, the promise of Isaiah 54:1 now holds a promise that is different but just as precious for me. During this season, however long or short it may be, the mission is clear - travailing before the Lord for the spiritual babies that He has predestined to be a part of our ministry. Instead of longing for natural children, now we long for souls - beautiful, healthy, well-adjusted souls that have a hunger and thirst for righteousness and a love for the God they serve. So we keep travailing, keep engaging in fervent prayer because God's words cannot fall to the ground. If He brings it to birth, it has to come forth. Thank God for blessing and opening our spiritual womb.
Happy Growing!
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